36 Lessons for 36 Years

You are not stuck. You get to make different choices.  

You get one body. The more you ignore her, the more she will scream. But, how beautiful it is that you can learn to nurture her at all of her phases. Not for bathing suit purposes, but for moving through the woods on a balmy summer day purposes, or jumping on a trampoline like you are seven purposes. 

Ask your elders more questions. You think you have more time with them than you do. 

It is okay if they do not like you. They are not for you. And, you will survive this. 

‘Step backs’ aren’t real. You are moving in a direction with more knowledge and wisdom than you did before. The idea of a ‘step back’ is a symptom of productivity culture. Question this impulse to label it. And, do what your soul is telling you to do. 

Every day will not be beautiful. But if every day feels like an avalanche, that is a clue that something is out of alignment. 

Choosing yourself requires that you disappoint other people, especially if this is a new practice for you.  

Always be one of the gals. When you start to get into the “I’m not like other ____s” check your own self-loathing for a moment. She is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

Can you practice listening before you speak? Try it once a week. Once a day. Once an hour. You get the picture. 

Dammit. They were right. Moving your body regularly is potent medicine. For your mind, for your spirit, for your sense of self. 

Learning new things will remind you that there is still magic in the world. 

We don’t ever really feel our age spiritually. I swear I was sixteen yesterday.  While the outsides change, the inner core is still the same. 

Simplify. Yup, even more than you think you need to. Then, simplify some more. It doesn't have to be as difficult/ornate/complex as you feel it needs to be. 

We need people.  As much as my introverted self craves solitude, I may need connection more. This is the stuff of life. Everything is in relationship to another thing, and so we are wired for community, for bonding, and for sharing space. 

There is never the “right time” to do something- there is only the you that decides to try the thing or go for it, and the you that doesn’t. More often than not, the thing that we are waiting for to have a “right time” is scary, and giving that scary thing some parameters helps our brain process it. However, it is also a really convenient way to put off something that we want. 

Additive over extractive. Check in with yourself- does this person/situation/experience add to others or does it take away from them? Can we add good to the world, rather than extract from other people’s resources? Make sure your own actions match suit. 

Sleep really is that girl, AND we don’t spend enough time with her. 

Observe the peripheries with intention. The quiet architecture of corners where dust accumulates, the subtle fissures through which light negotiates its entry, the nuanced interstices, those liminal spaces suspended between one breath and the next.

Ask for help. 

Create rhythms for your communities. Monthly/weekly/yearly gatherings help to develop closeness with those that you value. Create these rhythms, and your life will expand in its richness. 

Pause more often than not. You don’t have to respond immediately. 

Everyone will still love to tell you what to do all of the time. People have a lot of opinions, especially given the level of narcissism social media breeds in us.. But, ultimately, you have to learn to hear your own voice above the noise. Train your brain to find it. She will be tiny at first. But she is there. The more you find her sound, the louder she will get. 

You can have everything you want, it just may not be at the same time. 

Quality is everything; when it comes to food, friendship, and time spent. 

Find mentors, colleagues, and friends who are willing to ask and answer big questions. I usually know that someone is not for me if they won’t talk about God/sex/or death. 

Get outside more. Probably every day. 

Learning to cook and nourish yourself through food medicine can be such a joy. It does not have to be difficult. 

Hobbies! Find them! Try them! Keep them! Then, find new ones! 

If you have to continually tell yourself that “it's not that bad,”- it’s probably still that bad. 

Go Local- there are probably many more places and spaces for you to explore in the area that you live in than you know. Find a new park, zoo, tree, or coffee spot whenever you can. This will keep exploration as a part of your day-to-day practice.  (Eating local will also be a game changer for your gut). 

Get in the habit of naming your values. Reevaluate these every few months as things change. Know them. Name them. Live them. This will help you understand if something is not for you. 

Reading fiction can be a life raft in this world of cognitive dissonance. First and foremost, long-form content challenges our brains, promotes focus, stillness, and active imagination work. And, my goodness, the worlds to explore are infinite. 

Words are spells. Use them wisely. 

Specify when you want someone to listen, and when you want them to offer a solution. 

 People can rationalize anything. 

In a world that rewards distraction and speed, the act of paying attention is quietly radical and profoundly necessary.